It is widely assumed that a pause in a relationship means the couple is only a few steps away from a complete separation, which is not always the case. Many couples take a break from each other to meditate, introspect, and, hopefully, strengthen the relationship.
However, for individuals who tend to develop separation anxiety, this period can be very challenging. Both partners need to identify and deal with these emotions for the benefit of themselves and the relationship.
Understanding Separation Anxiety
Separation anxiety is excessive fear or anxiety experienced by individuals in a relationship when their partner is absent, and they are left alone. This condition is usually due to low self-esteem, rejection, or experience of loss.
Signs of separation anxiety could be excessive worrying, inability to focus on simple and mundane activities, and emotional distress.
Ways of dealing with separation anxiety
Identify the Source of Anxiety: To begin with, avoiding the sources of anxiety is likely to induce more anxiety if one does not identify its leading cause. Are these feelings based on past relationships, or are they innate fears? Identifying the source makes it possible to discover approaches that help to cope with them.
Communicate Openly and Honestly: Rules and expectations about interactions during the relationship break should be determined in advance, even if you decide to leave your partner for a set time. This can prevent misunderstandings and help partners feel secure during the break.
Focus on Personal Growth: During this period, partners should engage in hobbies, work on themselves, and pursue other relationships. Working on your personal growth keeps your thoughts focused and engaged, reducing your anxiety while enhancing self-esteem, so you’re not so desperate about your partner’s emotional availability.
Seek Professional Help: If your separation anxiety becomes unmanageable, it might be best to consult a therapist or a psychologist. In therapy, you can identify the causes of anxiety and learn techniques for building your stress resistance.
Establishing a Support Network
A relationship break is an excellent time to build up your support network. Talk to friends, relatives, or acquaintances with similar experiences to gain a different outlook. Discussing your feelings with other people can give you some ideas on how to handle anxiety during the break. This external support can help strengthen your belief that you have worth beyond a romantic partner.
Learning to be Okay with Being on Your Own
One of the deeper issues is learning to cope with loneliness. Do things you enjoy that can be done alone. This could be reading, painting, cooking, or any other addiction-free pastime that makes you happy. Hiking helps you be alright with yourself, thus easing the worry of being single due to the loss of a partner.
Reflecting on Relationship Dynamics
Consider interpersonal factors and the ways they might influence your anxiety. Low trust levels, dependency issues, and poor communication can make a partner anxious when the other is away. One can always learn from such dynamics and make changes when the couple reunites again.
Journal on Your Thoughts and Emotions
Writing in a diary is one of the best ways to express your emotions during a relationship break. Literally, you write down the times you feel anxiety. These notes will assist in determining the causes of your anxiety. They can be very useful for figuring yourself out or talking with your partner or therapist.
Reconnecting After the Break
After the break, it’s a good idea to slow things down. Share what knowledge you gained during the separation period and how you plan to use these lessons in future relationships. Feelings and attitudes about the relationship may change in either partner. It’s good to recognize these changes and talk about them.
A brief separation in a relationship can cause separation anxiety, but you can keep it mild by having the right approach. Paying attention to personal development, establishing an open line of communication, and considering professional help if needed will enable you to get through this period while being less afraid.
Planning for Reconnection
Before the break, determine how you will reintegrate into your partner’s life, if applicable. What kind of reconnection or how and when is it going to happen? Is it going to be gradual or immediate? Are there any changes in the relationship boundaries you may wish to introduce? Preparing the way for the transition can help avoid unnecessary stress, making things easier for both partners.
By managing your expectations and considering these additional aspects of the relationship, it is possible to decrease the effects of separation anxiety and create the foundation for a more stable and integrated relationship.
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About the Author: Dr. Yancey works with individuals who may be feeling “stuck” but are ambitious, proactive, and motivated to make changes in their lives so they are living joyfully and at peace. She provides a safe and supportive environment to help individuals gain the clarity they need to understand how their past may have contributed to current challenges, behaviors, emotions, beliefs, and relationships, and she helps shape them into the unique person they are today. Insight is the first step in empowering individuals with the skills to make necessary changes to improve their health and how they live their lives. She also offers online anxiety therapy to support clients in their journey.
July is BIPOC Mental Health Month
Observed each July and formerly recognized as National Minority Mental Health Awareness Month, BIPOC Mental Health Month highlights the unique mental health challenges and needs of Black, Indigenous, and other People of Color (BIPOC). Please join us in recognizing the struggles of BIPOC and bringing awareness to the need for adequate, accessible, culturally relevant mental health treatment, care, and services.
Black, Latino, Asian, and Native American people have higher rates of some mental health disorders and face greater disparities in getting help than White people, largely due to lack of access to services. With proper care, 70 – 90% of people with mental illness experience significant reduction in symptoms and improved quality of life. However, there are barriers to individuals seeking help for themselves or loved ones: access to and cost of treatment, stigma, and availability of local, culturally appropriate mental health care resources.
In 2022, Laurel House, the sponsor of rtor.org, established the Social Work Racial Equity Scholarship. The goal of the Scholarship is to cultivate more Black and Latino social workers who are committed to social change and increasing access to mental health care treatment by communities of color. Each year, a $10,000 scholarship is awarded to a Black or Latino student from Connecticut enrolled in a Master of Social Work program in Connecticut or New York. Two runner-up prizes of $1,000 and $500 are also awarded.
www.rtor.org and its sponsor Laurel House are committed to the advancement of racial equity and social justice and to making mental health services available to all.
Photo by Timur Weber: https://www.pexels.com/photo/couple-having-an-argument-8560647/
The opinions and views expressed in any guest blog post do not necessarily reflect those of www.rtor.org or its sponsor, Laurel House, Inc. The author and www.rtor.org have no affiliations with any products or services mentioned in the article or linked to therein. Guest Authors may have affiliations to products mentioned or linked to in their author bios.
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